I had figured that I wasn’t pregnant because it seemed like I got my period. It was only a day and very light, but I figured that was enough to consider it a period and enough to know I wasn’t pregnant. It was the end of May and I was heading out to Rockford, Illinois in a couple days to attend my grandmother’s 85th birthday party. I was driving out of the driveway to run some errands and when I stopped to get out and open the gate across our driveway I suddenly felt like I was going to throw up. It was so weird. I’d had no other symptoms of getting sick. I stood there a moment willing myself not to throw up since I hate that more than most anything. The feeling went away and I got back in the car and drove away, but I kept thinking how weird it was. And then I started thinking about how brief and light my last period was and so I decided to get a pregnancy test. When I got home later I took the test and it came back positive. I was floored. I called my gynecologist and told them I was going out of town and I really wanted it confirmed before my trip so I could surprise my grandmother with the news for her birthday. They told me I could come in to get tested within the hour.
I took the test and then sat in the room waiting for the Doctor. She came in and started making small talk and talking about everything else but pregnancy. I wanted to scream. Finally I said, “Was the test positive or not?” She looked surprised and said, “Yes, I thought you already took a test at home.” When I nodded and started to explain she just waved me off and said, “those are really accurate, but yes you are pregnant. I hope that’s good news.” I told her it definitely was and told her it was the first time we’d tried. We laughed about how weird life was sometimes. My best friend had tried for ten years before she’d gotten pregnant. I was already trying to figure out how to tell my husband.
I told him I wanted to meet him for lunch up in Seattle near his work. I went out and bought the perfect card. When I met him for lunch I handed him the card and told him I had to go to the bathroom. He gave me a confused look and took the card. When I came back out he was still staring at the card. I asked if he was okay. He asked if I was sure. I told him about the visit to the doctor. I asked how he felt and he said, “scared shitless.” At least he was honest.
My husband wanted to wait to tell his mother for a while in case I had a miscarriage. I told him I wanted to tell her right away. My reasoning was that I was going to tell my parents as soon as possible and we were having dinner with them that night. We lived near them and we would see them a lot during the pregnancy so they would get to share a lot of that. But his Mom lived on the east coast and wouldn’t get a lot of chance to participate, so I thought it was only fair to tell her first. So we called her from the car and when he told her I could hear her shriek loud and clear. That night we told my parents and my Dad’s reaction was that we shouldn’t get too excited in case something happened. Sheesh, what is it with men?
My grandmother was thrilled with her birthday present. I was seeing many of my relatives for the first time in a long time and I enjoyed it. But I also enjoyed what felt like complete freedom to eat a lot. I remember ordering french toast at the very first meal after we got to Chicago. For the first time I wasn’t feeling too guilty for eating because I figured I was eating for two. And there was a big party for my grandmother and I enjoyed a lot of that food too, although my grandmother warned me that I didn’t want to gain too much weight with the pregnancy because I’d regret it. I just smiled and nodded.
A few months into the pregnancy my doctor did some routine tests. She called me and said. “you’re diabetic.” I was shocked. There is a lot of diabetes in my family, but I didn’t expect that, especially since I hadn’t been eating too badly for long, and I was still pretty thin. Then she explained that I had gestational diabetes. She told me she didn’t want to put me on insulin, because she wanted me to try to control it through diet. I told her if she put me on insulin I’d lose my medical clearance to work as a controller. She was shocked. She said that it was gestational and it would go away once I had the baby, although it would make it more likely that I would become diabetic when I was older. She told me I had to test my blood sugar after each meal and when I first got up in the morning. As soon as I advised the flight surgeon, they pulled my medical clearance even though the doctor hadn’t put me on insulin. I had to show that I was controlling the diabetes through diet before they would give it back to me.
Murphy’s Law. For the first time in my life I felt as if I could eat more without feeling guilty and look what happened. But the doctor had explained that it was important for the health of the baby to watch my food intake. First, my body was not breaking down the sugar properly so that meant that the baby would be getting all the excess sugar. This could make the baby really large and lead to a more difficult birth, as well as basically making the baby start life with sugar issues. I started logging all of my sugar levels and attended nutrition classes. After a while it was evident that I was controlling my levels so the flight surgeon gave me my medical clearance back. In a way the gestational diabetes was a mixed blessing. It made me watch what I ate and I only gained forty pounds over my pregnancy. The doctor was very pleased and near the end of the pregnancy told me she really wasn’t worried any more. The amount I had gained was fine for my height and my baby was normal sized.
I ended up being induced because I was late and the doctor didn’t want to let me go too long because of the gestational diabetes. My daughter came into the world healthy and I wasn’t too overweight. One would think that would give me incentive to keep my weight down. But I think a part of me saw the end of the gestational diabetes as an excuse to make up for lost time. And I was so stressed about being a good mom that I started turning to food for comfort again. I was breast feeding so I was cautious about certain foods, but I wasn’t too cautious about calories. Are we beginning to see a pattern here?